November

For the past 13 years, November has been a very difficult month for me. On Nov. 2nd 1995, my sister passed away very suddenly and 2 weeks later on November 16th would have been her 33rd birthday the year she died. It is hard to imagine that my baby sister would be turning 46 this year coz I can't picture her getting older. She had a very young spirit and I will always remember her as being, well, not 46.
As Halloween passed this year, I started thinking about Marla, but this year it felt different to me. I didn't feel dread in the fact that the day was coming, or feel depressed like I had for the past 12 years. I don't know if it was because the 2nd fell on a weekend and I was busy with family, or if time has finally made it easier. I guess I won't know the answer to that til next year when the 2nd falls on a Monday.
I have always felt so much guilt in regards to her not fulfilling any of her dreams, and why, when both of us were juvenile diabetics, my health had always been so much better then hers. She never had the opportunities that most of us take forgranted, like falling in love, being independent, and most of all, feeling good enough physically to carry on normal day to day life.
She was my best friend in the world and I could tell her anything, knowing full well she wouldn't tell a soul. She was never jealous of my happiness and blessings, and loved the fact that I was able to have kids and lead a normal life. The last time I spoke to her, I had just gotten my amnio results and found out I was having a girl. She was so excited and told me what a great thing it was to have a boy and a girl, and that she couldn't wait. And in case you haven't figured it out, Mallory was named after my sister, and the weird thing is, they have exactly the same skin tones and hair color. I do believe that a little of us live on in the ones we love.
Getting back to 2008, it felt weird to not feel depressed and sad on Sunday the 2nd, but I guess time does make things easier. I can't say it will be easy every year, but am grateful for this year. At first I felt guilty for not being so sad, but a little voice told me that was ridiculous. Marla would have been so mad at me if she knew I was feeling sad or guilty. I have a feeling she was smiling down on me and finally saying "it's about time you cheered up".

Nutshell

It is 10 am on Tuesday and I have been up since 6 am which is unheard of for me, but I could not get back to sleep.
I am waiting for my friend to get ready coz we are going out for breakfast and then shopping. Linens and things are going out of business, and I have 6 20%off coupons. We are going to find some deals. Then I want to head to the mall, of course.
I have become a cheer mom (not really), and am forced into participating in all the "fun" activities that go along with it. On Saturday morning, we had a hair curling party for the girls and everyone had to bring a breakfast item. That lasted 2 hours, ugh. In the afternoon we had a game but the girls only stayed through halftime, so not so bad.
On Sunday, was their local competition and the girls had to be there by 6 am, and it didn't end til 5. Since they performed last, we watched the Chargers lose once again, and then headed to the arena around 1, so it wasn't to long of a day for us. I am proud to say that the Marauders came in first place!! This qualifies them for 2 competitions back to back weekends in November in Los Angeles so yuck and double yuck.
Back to Saturday, our friends had a party, so we went over and I drank to many vodka and cranberry juices. I now understand why they advise people to drink cranberry juice if you have a bladder infection- it makes you go to the bathroom a lot! But I didn't feel so good the next day and remebered why I rarely drink.
San Diego has been under red flag warnings for almost a week now with the heat and winds, but no fires lately so I am glad.
That is my life, in a nutshell, for now.

life, friends and what not

After procrastinating for over a week, I figured I needed to start writing, even though I can't think of much. I really miss all you guys and not talking everyday makes me sad. So when I saw that Ang was going to visit Renee, I was wondering if that invitation is open to others? I would love to see you guys and think it would be a blast. But, of course I would stay at a local hotel lol. Just kind of thinking outloud I guess.
I got my haircut today, new hairdresser again, which I believe makes it number 4 this year. And, she did a fantastic job!! I am so glad coz she is only a 5 minute drive and it is a new place that just opened.
Did anyone watch Monday night football? Come on Cathe, you didn't think I wasn't going to mention it did you? We kicked butt and despite all our injuries, we looked good. Aside from Favre, who threw a few interceptions and got sacked pretty hard, the Jets really suck. The Chargers got their first penalty with 19 seconds left in the 3rd quarter, and the announcers jokingly said, that this penalty won't take the win away from us. They also said we played like a 3-0 team, not a 1-2 team, so I am getting excited again. Since the Padres have the second worst record in baseball this year, I haven't watched a game since June, which is so heartbreaking.
Bill got back safe and sound from Atlanta, and said I would have been really bored if I had gone with him. They were downtown, without a shopping place in sight, but lots of homeless and sirens blaring constantly.
I have been trying really hard to lose 5 pounds but nothing is happening. Everybody says that when you hit 40, the metabolism slows down. Since I am 48, I figured I got lucky since I don't really watch what I eat. And then bam, I gained over 5 pounds this winter and it won't move. I started running, lifting weights, etc.. and still nothing. I guess I need to work out daily, and when I get motivated, I will. I have about 10 1/2 weeks til we leave for Cancun, so I better get motivated soon.
Since I feel like I am rambling, I will stop. But, I really miss you guys alot!!